Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
