Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
