Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
