she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
