dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
