Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
