it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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