Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
