this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
