You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
