i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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