Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
