Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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