you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
