Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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