There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
BRING THE BAGELS
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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