I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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