It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
