Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
