kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
