I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
