sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
