My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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