I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
