he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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