He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
