I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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