I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
