I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
