I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
