i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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