Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
