You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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