Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
no you cant smoke seaweed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
