I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
