College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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