Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
