I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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