the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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