You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
