apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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