I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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