if only i could text you this smell
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
