Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
