Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
