She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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