Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
