So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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