he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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