Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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